From bare feet to boots.

There came a point in my life in my early 20s where I was living in a house full of boys after a falling out with a roommate. I was jobless, school-less, and worthless. My parents where wise enough to let it happen. They allowed me to be a lazy worthless hippie and date a boy with a motorcycle. They let me cry to them when I was broke and didn't understand why the world hated me. They gave me money and made sure I was fed. Until they didn't anymore. 

I remember sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer watching the dogs run around in the yard and my phone rang. It was my mother. I could tell this was a different kind of phone call. I thought about ignoring it, but then looked down at the phone my parents had bought me and decided it was the least I could do. "Hey, Mom." "Asheton, you listen to me and don't say anything until I'm done, do you understand?" I knew what that meant. I hunkered down into the "vintage" porch couch and took a deep breath. She went on to tell me that I came from a line of very strong women. That when we are put down by this world we grab ourselves by our favorite pair of boot straps and push on. She wanted to make sure that I knew that she didn't raise any quitters and it was my job to not bump her off her winning streak because, "I gained 50 lbs with your pregnancy and you were two weeks late!" She ended the phone call by saying that she loved me and that she knew I would make her proud. 

I hung up the phone. I looked at my bare feet. I called the dogs into the house. I went inside and stared into my pile of stuff on the floor. I found my favorite pair of boots and pulled them on. There is rarely a day that goes by that I don't remember that conversation. There is rarely a day that goes by that I don't pull on my favorite pair of boots. 

Be strong, wise and love each other, girls. And always take on the world in your favorite pair of boots. 

Dear Magnolia

This is something I wrote for a class last quarter. We had to write a letter to our past self. It seems fitting at this time in my life. 

Dear Magnolia,

I know you want me to tell you what life becomes

To tell you all the parts to avoid 

The sticky sharp parts 

The parts that you think will ruin you

I wish I could take them all away

The nights you had to flip your dampened pillow

The loneliness you despised

The separation you felt 

I can't tell you what to do

I won't tell you where to turn

I understand how lost you will feel

I know the hopelessness in your spirit

I do promise you that one day you grow up

You learn things slowly 

Mistakes will always a part of your life

But they will not define you

You will find love that sucks

 all the air out of your lungs

You will find loss that does that and more

People will cherish you

Others won't

One day people will tell you how different you are

They will show you facts and remedies

Your disease is nothing like they say

You will find the courage in yourself and not a pill

Be strong, Magnolia

Strong like your mother always told you to be

You are more like her than you wish to believe

One day you will find strength there

I will not tell you, Magnolia what life will give

You will find your peace

You will learn from what you do

Every mistake will bring you here

You may find it cruel

You may become even more apathetic

So go ahead, take that shot

Get that tattoo, kiss that boy

I do not take it all back for you

I give it to you freely

You will find your spirit

You will find your words

The Opposite Side Of The Door

This is originally a song that I wrote. As much as I adore poetry, Its not exactly my strongest voice. But, somehow when I add music to the page I just can't help myself. 

This is about finding love in life, good timing or not. And how the chances you may take in your dreams could save your life when you're awake.

(PS-In poetry every word means something, grammar doesn't really exist. Its a beautiful thing.)
(PPS- Im not just saying that so I don't have to spell check...mom.)

There once was a girl

Who dreamed she had curls

Her Momma's she'd longingly twirl

But in the morning she wakes

Her soul it does ache

For a man from an opposite world

She wanders she sings

Her voice gives her wings

And she flies to the opposite world

And there in his arms

She senses no harm

And her hair grows long down in swirls

And the moon it glows

Oh the moon it grows

On the opposite worlds' desert floor

There love will survive

Their souls come alive

On the opposite side of the door

A young man is waiting

His timing he's hating

The opposite world is in storm

He knows if he goes

Her face will not show

And all of his life he will mourn

And the moon it glows

Oh the moon it grows

On the opposite worlds' desert floor

There love will survive

Their souls come alive

On the opposite side of the door

In stories we're told

Some day we grow old

And our children will cry they will mourn

Don't wait for the day

When you can't fly away

To the opposite worlds' shining shore

For a haunting will take you

Your memories will fade you

Your young heart will guide you no more

You'll howl out and pray

Another chance will give way

To find love like you found once before

Oh the moon it glows
Oh the moon it grows
On the opposite worlds' desert floor

There love will survive
Their souls come alive
On the opposite side of the door

Imagimications. Where Has Yours Been?

Being around kids all the time has really challenged me to use my imagination. Some days I imagine that I am on vacation and not playing hair studio for the fifth time that day. Sometimes I imagine what these kids could possibly be thinking of, or in more cases than not, not thinking of. The other day, Emma, the five year old I have the pleasure of nannying, reached her hand into the sky and said, "Look, Asheton! My hand is giving me a high-five in the clouds! Now it's waving! Do you see it?" I laughed and told her she would have to show me. She replied with a surprisingly straight forward answer, "Well, you can't see it. I was just using my imagimication." It was at this moment that I realized how much we boring adults miss out on something as great as an imagimication.

            Exactly how much do we miss when we don't use our imagination? Without getting too Peter Pan on everyone, I think it is an idea that we should entertain. Especially creative's. How often do you look at your lunch and imagine you are eating your last meal because you are on the run and it might be your last? How many times a day do you get lost in a day dream about something completely ridiculous? If you were really honest, when was the last time you got lost in a good book? Not a movie, a book.

            Movies are great. I really enjoy them and without them I know I would have missed some great stories. The ninety minutes you spend getting lost in a story on film could take you places your never deemed possible. But in all reality, the people who made that movie that you are getting so lost in, are providing the story for you. They are taking you to far off lands and on adventures so epic you know they would never happen in your lifetime. Not only do they provide the story, but the mood, the setting and even the color temperature of the scenes have been chosen for you, the viewer.
Now think about reading a book. It's all words. Maybe a few pictures here and there, but for most adults (most) picture books are a thing of childhood.

            Without an image, words are the only things that can describe to you what this story is like. You use these words to imagine what the dress the girl in your story is wearing looks like. What the weather was like, even things as detailed as what her eye shape was. You do all these things using your imagination. Movies, on the other hand provide you with an actor. You know exactly what they look like because they are right in front of you. You know if it is raining or just drizzling. You can see the anguish, joy or surprise on their face because it is projected on a screen. Your imagination, after all those images, is left with little to work with.

            I challenge everyone (still) reading, to take a moment and imagine something beautiful. Then something sad, then something exciting. Imagine as many things as you can or want! See where these things take you. See how detailed you can be. Even if you are only imaging a bowl, what is in the bowl, is it filled or empty? If it is full, what is it full of? If you imagined it empty, what could you fill it with?
You will be surprised where your own images take you. You may find your self happily lost in your own imagimication.

Forgiveness Is More Than Saying Sorry....

We've all experienced it. People in our lives have hurt us and we have hurt others. Whether it be a tiff with a friend, hurtful words from a significant other or even a disagreement between family. No one is safe from a broken heart.

But when tempers have calmed, and understandings have been found, where does that leave the ones who have been hurt?

Contrary to many bad romantic comedies, the answer lies within the one that has been wronged. It is up to us to forgive. No amount of guilt can reverse a situation. No matter how much we want to keep blaming someone for hurtful things that have happened in the past, that void and emptiness inside our hearts can only be fixed by forgiving.

It's never fun, and in my experience it has been known to take a very long time. It's something that I am not proud of and am working on in a case by case type situation.

 It always seems easier to use remedies to avoid the act of forgiveness. There is always revenge, which is fun for a minute. But as history has proved many times over, it just starts a new cycle of hurting. Guilting someone to death just takes too much energy and time. Eventually you wake up and realize you are over the situation. Then all those feelings of guilt you threw on someone just make you look like you took advantage of someone else's mistakes.

But truly the remedy that can hurt the most is changing your life so that you just don't face the situation. You can try and drown it in nights out; you can cover it up with blankets and stay in bed for weeks. You can try and put as many friends and addresses and numbers between you and the problem. But in the end, it just makes a bigger and different kind of void.

At the end of a long road of remedies, all that is left is forgiveness. In this place people come to rest. They come to a realization that bad things happen; that people hurt us, and that we hurt others. That sometimes business seems a little to personal and that promises of trust were made with an expiration date.

No matter the story, no matter who's fault it really was. No matter how much we ask ourselves why and what was I thinking? No one is safe from broken hearts.

So try and find forgiveness in anyway that you can. Do it now, fix it today. You don't even need the other person involved around. Because forgiving yourself and forgiving someone else can only be found within you.  

              "To err is human, to forgive is divine."

The List

When little girls are growing up, we are constantly told that we are princesses. We are made to believe in fairy tales, and convinced that most men will absolutely adore us. We look to our fathers as pillars of strength and love; if we have brothers we learn that living with a boy can get messy. And at slumber parties we giggle and squeal about our latest crushes, which we are certain are our soul mates.

Then High school rolls around. A small dose of reality sets in and we realize that not all boys are good. That our fathers are probably the greatest men around, and that brothers, while still gross, come in handy for rides and alibis.

Then comes, THE LIST. If you grew up in a Christian home or just the South in general and have been to an all girls small group, you know what The List is. The List is complied with traits that our future boyfriends and husbands should posses. Once you write down all the things that one man should embody, you then read it out loud to the group. The most standard lists read; loves God, has a good family, works hard, has brown hair, blue eyes and the abs of a Greek god. (Because don't kid yourself, looks matter.)
Sometimes someone will write down something original and the entire group will compliment her on her introspective way of choosing a mate.

If anyone is guilty of indulging themselves in The List, my girlfriends and I are probably looking at jail time.
We would pull out our lists and update them like they were resumes. Sometimes altering them for a boy that we really liked but didn't quite meet the standard we were looking for. We thought of those lists as a ticket to easy dating. Almost like we had set up and ad on Craigslist and that any moment we would get exactly one reply and that person would be our greatest love. That way we could cut out the middle man and just get straight to the point. The point being, engaged by 21 married at 22 first baby at 25 and.... is their life past 25? 

Don't get me wrong. As much as I am taking jabs at that ritual, there are some really great things about that list. For one, it makes you realize what your priorities should be when dating someone. It makes you think are you dating them because they are handsome or a star athlete? Or is it because they are kind and interesting. Someone that is fun to be around and respects your opinion?
Now that I think about it, by making a bunch of 16 year old teenagers make theses lists, they probably saved us a lot of heartache in high school and possibly some teen pregnancies. But I'm sure the boys looked at those lists like they were the one piece of paper getting in between them and some girl who looked great in a pair of levis.

What I am getting at here, is that very rarely those lists said, "I want my future mate to love me unconditionally." And growing in to women, most of those teenage girls forget to look beyond the list and simply ask, "Does he love me because of who I am and in spite of who I am not." And there, my friends, is the beginning of every romantic comedy you have ever seen.

So many young women forget to ask themselves that. They go out trying to find a man who possesses the most qualities from a list that was designed for teenagers. They begin to wonder why their fairytale has not happened. They become desperate to find their dark haired blue eyed hero. They may even compromise their, "has Greek god abs," for, "has great job."

This was written to remind all those little princesses to look beyond what society or your List tells you. Because when you find one good man, you will realize that the things he has to offer you overshadow that stupid list so much. You begin to forget it existed. The way you treats family, the way he tells you he's sorry when he acts like an idiot, the way he makes you promises and you know that he's good for them. The way he loves you like you could never imagine, the way he loves you when you can't even love yourself. Those are the things that should have made The List. But, unfortunately, those are things that you just have to learn for yourself. You can't even recognize those things unless you experience them. It is almost like a small miracle to witness someone, other than your parents, love you because of exactly who you are. And the things that you thought would be an issue, the things that compromise your List, simply turn into quarks that make him all yours.

Look past The List, in every aspect of your life. That job might not be your dream job. But the things you could learn there, the people that you encounter could really change your life. Make a new List. Fill it with things that you want to experience, fill it with things that you want to give people, fill it with things that will make you step outside your comfort zone so that you can love people unconditionally.

True Worth Is In Being Not Seeming

I found a book of poems in my grandparents house one night. Reading through it I found little notes my grandfather had left and markings of poems he loved. It was so special! I came across one that I really connected with and it has been in my heart for a long time now. I want to share it with you because of the impact it has had on my life. I hope that you can take something special from it as well!

Nobility

Alice Cary
True worth is in being, not seeming,—
In doing, each day that goes by,
Some little good—not in dreaming
Of great things to do by and by.
For whatever men say in their blindness,
And spite of the fancies of youth,
There's nothing so kingly as kindness,
And nothing so royal as truth.
We get back our mete as we measure—
We cannot do wrong and feel right,
Nor can we give pain and gain pleasure,
For justice avenges each slight.
The air for the wing of the sparrow,
The bush for the robin and wren,
But always the path that is narrow
And straight, for the children of men.
'Tis not in the pages of story
The heart of its ills to beguile,
Though he who makes courtship to glory
Gives all that he hath for her smile.
For when from her heights he has won her,
Alas! it is only to prove
That nothing's so sacred as honor,
And nothing so loyal as love!

We cannot make bargains for blisses,
Nor catch them like fishes in nets;
And sometimes the thing our life misses
Helps more than the thing which it gets.
For good lieth not in pursuing,
Nor gaining of great nor of small,
But just in the doing, and doing
As we would be done by, is all.

Through envy, through malice, through hating,
Against the world, ,early and late.
No jot of our courage abating
Our part is to work and to wait
And slight is the sting of his trouble
Whose winnings are less than his worth.
For he who is honest is noble
Whatever his fortunes or birth.