The List

When little girls are growing up, we are constantly told that we are princesses. We are made to believe in fairy tales, and convinced that most men will absolutely adore us. We look to our fathers as pillars of strength and love; if we have brothers we learn that living with a boy can get messy. And at slumber parties we giggle and squeal about our latest crushes, which we are certain are our soul mates.

Then High school rolls around. A small dose of reality sets in and we realize that not all boys are good. That our fathers are probably the greatest men around, and that brothers, while still gross, come in handy for rides and alibis.

Then comes, THE LIST. If you grew up in a Christian home or just the South in general and have been to an all girls small group, you know what The List is. The List is complied with traits that our future boyfriends and husbands should posses. Once you write down all the things that one man should embody, you then read it out loud to the group. The most standard lists read; loves God, has a good family, works hard, has brown hair, blue eyes and the abs of a Greek god. (Because don't kid yourself, looks matter.)
Sometimes someone will write down something original and the entire group will compliment her on her introspective way of choosing a mate.

If anyone is guilty of indulging themselves in The List, my girlfriends and I are probably looking at jail time.
We would pull out our lists and update them like they were resumes. Sometimes altering them for a boy that we really liked but didn't quite meet the standard we were looking for. We thought of those lists as a ticket to easy dating. Almost like we had set up and ad on Craigslist and that any moment we would get exactly one reply and that person would be our greatest love. That way we could cut out the middle man and just get straight to the point. The point being, engaged by 21 married at 22 first baby at 25 and.... is their life past 25? 

Don't get me wrong. As much as I am taking jabs at that ritual, there are some really great things about that list. For one, it makes you realize what your priorities should be when dating someone. It makes you think are you dating them because they are handsome or a star athlete? Or is it because they are kind and interesting. Someone that is fun to be around and respects your opinion?
Now that I think about it, by making a bunch of 16 year old teenagers make theses lists, they probably saved us a lot of heartache in high school and possibly some teen pregnancies. But I'm sure the boys looked at those lists like they were the one piece of paper getting in between them and some girl who looked great in a pair of levis.

What I am getting at here, is that very rarely those lists said, "I want my future mate to love me unconditionally." And growing in to women, most of those teenage girls forget to look beyond the list and simply ask, "Does he love me because of who I am and in spite of who I am not." And there, my friends, is the beginning of every romantic comedy you have ever seen.

So many young women forget to ask themselves that. They go out trying to find a man who possesses the most qualities from a list that was designed for teenagers. They begin to wonder why their fairytale has not happened. They become desperate to find their dark haired blue eyed hero. They may even compromise their, "has Greek god abs," for, "has great job."

This was written to remind all those little princesses to look beyond what society or your List tells you. Because when you find one good man, you will realize that the things he has to offer you overshadow that stupid list so much. You begin to forget it existed. The way you treats family, the way he tells you he's sorry when he acts like an idiot, the way he makes you promises and you know that he's good for them. The way he loves you like you could never imagine, the way he loves you when you can't even love yourself. Those are the things that should have made The List. But, unfortunately, those are things that you just have to learn for yourself. You can't even recognize those things unless you experience them. It is almost like a small miracle to witness someone, other than your parents, love you because of exactly who you are. And the things that you thought would be an issue, the things that compromise your List, simply turn into quarks that make him all yours.

Look past The List, in every aspect of your life. That job might not be your dream job. But the things you could learn there, the people that you encounter could really change your life. Make a new List. Fill it with things that you want to experience, fill it with things that you want to give people, fill it with things that will make you step outside your comfort zone so that you can love people unconditionally.